How to Lose Weight Without Taking ‘The Jab’
Modern office life often means long hours sitting at a desk, back-to-back meetings, and quick meals squeezed into busy schedules. While it’s great for productivity, it’s not always great for your health. If you’re someone like me who sits at a desk for hours, looking to lose weight and stay fit, the key isn’t a drastic change—it’s building smarter daily habits. I know because I have been there. I was writing my family drama novel at the time, The Bengal Tiger’s Silent Roar. At my desk for hours. Drinking endless cups of coffee. Scratching my neck raw. Thumping the mouse as if I wanted to flatten it. Scowling at the screen. My wife said if I carried on like this, I would turn into an ill-tempered, bloated toad. She had a point, but I refused to listen. I wanted the manuscript ready to show to the agent. One day, she pulled my chair away from the desk and wheeled me across the room. ‘Go to the gym,’ she ordered.
So, I went and consulted a fitness guru.
‘Let’s address the elephant in the room,’ the guru said, eyeing me with such intensity I thought he was trying to study the innards of my skull. His name was Evander Holyfield. Not really – only he was built like one. ‘You have become a bloated toad of a man,’ he declared.
Has he been speaking to my wife? I wondered. ‘But weight loss and keeping fit have become…so … complicated,’ I protested, ‘There are injections, powders, teas that taste like regret, and workout plans designed by people who clearly hate you and your knees.’
‘But what if I told you there’s a way to lose weight without suffering or giving up chips?’ the guru replied.
‘I am listening,’ I said.
‘Then sit down,’ the guru said, ‘no, not on the cake – on the floor, here.’
‘First, accept that you are not a Labrador,’ he continued, ‘You do not need to eat everything in front of you just because it exists. That biscuit tin? It’s not a challenge.
The office doughnuts? They are not emotionally dependent on you. Repeat after me:
I can have one… and not spiral into a 12-biscuit autobiography.’
‘I know that already,’ I said, acting indignant.
‘Step two. Eat like a reasonable adult,’ he said. ‘Revolutionary, I know. Instead of skipping meals all day, then eating like a competitive speed eater at 9 pm, try eating actual meals with protein and vegetables (yes, they still exist). This shocking approach reduces the urge to inhale an entire pizza.
‘Step three. Move your body. No, scrolling doesn’t count,’ the guru said, shaking his arms about vigorously. ‘You don’t need a gym membership that you donate to monthly out of guilt. Try walking like you have somewhere to be. Dancing badly in your kitchen. Taking the stairs and questioning your life choices halfway up. Consistency beats intensity. Also, sweating lightly is still sweating.’
He gave me a half-hearted smile. ‘Fourthly, you can keep your favourite foods if you wish. You can still eat pizza, chocolate, and chips. The trick is simple and deeply upsetting: Just don’t eat all of it. Have two slices, not the whole box.
Have a few squares of chocolate, not a full emotional support bar. You’re not being punished—you’re being strategic.’
I can still eat a pizza. Hurray, I wanted to scream, but I kept my mouth shut.
‘Step five. Drink water like it’s your job,’ he said. ‘Sometimes you’re not hungry. You’re just… bored and mildly dehydrated. Before you snack, drink a glass of water and wait 10 minutes. If you’re still hungry, eat. If not, congratulations—you just avoided eating an entire family-size bag of crisps out of sheer confusion.’
‘Anymore,’ I said, tapping the watch on my wrist, ‘I am in a hurry. I must take my wife shopping.’ That was a lie.
He ignored my request and continued. ‘This is annoyingly important. Sleep. When you don’t sleep, you crave everything. You make terrible food decisions. You suddenly believe cereal at midnight is “a personality trait”. Get your sleep. Your willpower depends on it.’
He paused, but I could tell he was nowhere near finished. I was beginning to lose the will to live by now.
‘Step seven, stop looking for magic solutions,’ he barked suddenly. ‘There is no secret tea. No miracle injection. No ancient scroll of fat loss wisdom. There is only eating slightly less, moving slightly more, repeating these enough times that it works.’ He took a breather here. ‘Boring? Yes. Effective? Also, yes.’
He relaxed his muscle-packed shoulders once he finished barking and smiled. Yes smiled. He appeared instantly transformed into a descent amiable human being.
‘Thank you for the advice, thank you,’ I said, and I offered to shake his hand.
He took my bony hand in his iron grip and squeezed as if he were trying to juice an apple. ‘Final thoughts,’ he said, speaking slowly and deliberately, ‘Be Consistent. Not Perfect. You don’t need to eat clean 100% of the time, become a fitness influencer, or give up joy. You just need to be mostly sensible. Occasionally indulgent. And consistently not chaotic. Weight loss isn’t about becoming a different person. It’s about becoming the version of you who eats pizza but doesn’t black out and wake up surrounded by empty boxes.’
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